Perfection is like a fairytale; people will tell you it’s not real but everyone secretly wants it to actually happen.
And perfection’s lack of reality certainly doesn’t stop people in the real world from striving for it. Because who wouldn’t want it all? Exciting adventures, relaxing free time, cookie-cutter family, nice home, fancy cars, plenty of money, luxurious vacations – the “whole package.”
However, people’s ideas of perfection are just as fake as the concept itself. Today’s society encourages citizens to become people-pleasing, overly competitive workaholics, but refers to them as agreeable go-getters with outstanding work ethics.
Even high schools and colleges look for the students who “have it all.” These institutions encourage kids to be well rounded. Just the grades are not enough; you better play a sport, master an instrument, start a club, paint landscapes and feed a third world country in your spare time.
Let’s say you do all of the above and manage to get into the college of your choice. Unfortunately, once you’re in college the pressures don’t change. Everyone nowadays gets a college degree. So, what sets you apart in the workplace?
People preach about how the job market is terrible. You have to constantly network, update your resume, look for opportunities and work constantly just to qualify for a job. Doing so just means you’re serious, you’re focused, you’re determined. You can’t separate work from your home life, or else some up incomer waiting in the wings will take your place.
Parents encourage their children to develop traits such as amicability and ambition. Bosses look for these characteristics in potential employees. Schools are impressed with these attributes on applications and resumes. And because everyone else pressures for perfection, people come to expect perfection from themselves.
This is why there are more reported cases of mental illness today. This is why people have unhealthy relationships. This is why busy workaholics are usually the most miserable people.
Because perfection doesn’t actually exist.
The pressure to be flawless can lead to unhappiness, stress, health problems, emotional breakdowns, self-harm, suicide, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, alcoholism, drug addictions and the list goes on and on.
The truth is people want to be perfect because they want to be loved. Hearing others praise them or give them an award makes them feel fulfilled and appreciated for a split second. But no one can actually love perfection. No one wants a perfect friend, a perfect significant other, a perfect sibling or a perfect spouse. No one can love perfection, because it doesn’t exist.
Why do people encourage this deadly bedtime story?
Let’s start telling better stories, real stories. Stories about people who have their flaws, but are uniquely complicated. Keep in mind, these stories don’t have to have sad endings; it all depends on how the flawed characters grow.
Call out perfection for what it is—a fraud. Stop pushing flawlessness on your loved ones and on yourself. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
Instead, encourage healthy self-esteems where people see themselves accurately and healthily. Accept yourself and others as they are.
Lian Bunny is Photo Editor of the Bona Venture.
Her email is bunnyla13@bonaventure.edu
