Growing up it seemed like every little girl wanted to be a princess, and of course every princess that college students knew growing up had a prince. Having a boyfriend almost became mandatory when playing house and then somewhere between middle school and high school popular authors like Nicholas Sparks and Stephanie Meyers defined what the perfect boyfriend was.
Maybe without consciously realizing it, some girls have put their faith in these fairytales. They wait around for a boy to come out of nowhere and sweep them off their feet. Once they have a boyfriend, they expect their lives to read like a Nicholas Sparks novel—being pampered, chased after and having sonnets sung of how deep men’s love is for them.
But that’s not how any of that works. You don’t get to be the princess. This isn’t the Middle Ages. Knights in shining armor don’t ride around on their white horses trying to sweep a woman off her feet. Princes and knights don’t exist. If a girl likes a guy, she should tell him. Men should not always be the ones expected to have to put themselves out there first.
Once in a relationship, girls shouldn’t expect to kick back and be waited on hand and foot either. They shouldn’t expect someone to clear their schedule for them any time they want to spend time together. Sure, there are circumstances where it’s acceptable to ask for this, but this is not something to expect anytime you’re bored.
Girls, don’t expect him to completely stop talking to any and all girls. Guys are allowed to have friends that are girls, the same way girls are allowed to have friends that are guys. If one of you has a problem with the other having oppositely gendered friends, there is either a problem with them being faithful or with you not being trusting enough. I’m not saying to break out the detective kit, but look a little deeper as to why you’re upset about it and go from there.
Guys also do not have to treat a girl to every meal, buy her flowers and go all out on Valentines Day. Really, there should be a balance here. It’s very nice if they want to buy dinner for her, but girls shouldn’t just expect it—especially when everyone is up to their ears in college debt.
The little surprises here and there are great too, but women should also be looking for ways to show they care and surprise their men as well. Not just the half hearted t-shirt with his favorite sports team’s logo. If girls expect guys to get deep about things, they should do the same.
When it comes down to it, you have to realize that relationships are not for you.
It’s not about what you can get, how you feel and what makes you happy. Relationships shouldn’t be self-serving. They should be about creating a symbiosis between two people—each being different and having different needs, yet both working together to mutually benefit each other. So please, stop trying to be a princess and realize that guys are people too, not the idealized Disney image girls keep wishing they would be.
Alexis Young is a staff writer for the Bona Venture. Her email is Youngam13@bonaventure.edu
