In today’s culture, there is an intense pressure to be in a relationship with another person. It seems as though that is all our society celebrates; seldom do we see society putting any emphasis on bettering oneself without the assistance of a significant other. The emphasis on dating and relationships can often make those who are not in relationships feel inadequate. The problem with that idea is that it is usually the complete opposite – those who are not in relationships tend to be more secure in themselves.
Most of the things we are exposed to on social media, T.V. and in music place a huge emphasis on the so-called importance of having a significant other. One issue that may come about from an individual feeling inadequate is that someone might begin to feel that his or her lack of a significant other could be due to his or her appearance. This can lead to a completely separate slew of problems: eating disorders, depression, etc. The emphasized importance of being in a relationship is quite similar to the pressure of conforming to societal beauty standards; it is unnecessary and often times very destructive to the psyche.
It is profoundly important to be able to understand and love yourself, regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship. Relationships tend to work out more successfully when both partners love themselves.
It may sound conceited to love yourself, but in the end, who else do you have? Being able to love yourself and be perfectly comfortable with being alone are two of the most important lessons that life teaches us.
Relationships can actually be destructive to the self if they are not healthy and consist of negative traits. When a relationship ends, we tend to blame ourselves. Most times, both people find themselves wondering if the reason for the relationship’s demise was their own lack of “perfection” for the other person.
This blaming of oneself can turn someone miserable. That is why it’s important to know and love yourself before entering into a serious relationship with another individual. That way, when the relationship ends, you can acknowledge that it is not your fault and there is no reason to self-blame. By loving yourself and putting an emphasis on your own happiness first, you will feel secure and safe on your own even after a relationship ends.
You must be confident in yourself and your opinions/decisions before starting a relationship. Another reason why it is so important to have a good understanding of yourself before entering a relationship is because it is not your significant other’s responsibility to make decisions for you. When people rely on their significant others to solve their personal problems, it puts a strain on the relationship and essentially has the power to damage it to the point of no repair.
It’s important to not put too much weight on what social media tells us about relationships. While they might seem like the ultimate goal in life, they are often more trouble than they’re worth. It’s much more important to be secure and have love for oneself than it is to be in a relationship.
Anastasia Cottone is a contributing writer for the Bona Venture. Her email is cottona16@bonaventure.edu
