It’s not like Christmas or Valentine’s Day; there aren’t any chocolates, firmly wrapped presents or cake – at least not for the majority of people. Instead, your present is a simple reminder – wrapped in inviting rainbow wrapping paper to compensate for such a blunt memo; it’s a memo some people revel in, because it marks accomplishment, and others dread.
For the latter – and I sometimes find myself here – it feels like you’re Charlie Brown – hoping for something great, but scoring a rock. Still, you accept that rock and try and stay grateful you got something most others didn’t, something you can – at the very least – see as unique.
In general, as I see it, this holiday serves as a reminder to all folks on the spectrum that we have a long way to go as a society. Actually, society hasn’t really moved all that far, the gay community has just gotten stronger.
Like any great movement, LGBTQ+ acceptance was birthed by those impacted by the grips of suppression – a group that consciously made a choice to live out what they’d always known to be fact: Living your truth is commendable, acceptable and necessary. Really, it’s the way we, as humans, are intended to live. Suppression, at a fundamental level, robs us of legacy – snatching any and every chance we were gifted to develop the convictions and talents that make us dynamite, a force in this world.
And that’s what “Coming Out Day” should be all about – giving ourselves, LGBTQ+ folk, a pat on the back for the level of bravery it takes to send societal standards a middle finger, our fellow community members a hug of acknowledgement and those who oppose us an equally empathetic caliber of love.
Still, though, it’s funny how many still don’t see the magnitude of bravery it even takes to live out – loud and proud – in modern day America. And that’s exactly why I call this annual holiday bittersweet, because nothing about being gay in the modern day is easy – and, in a lot of ways, I’d say it’s just as hard as pre-marriage equality, in different ways.
The Obama administration gave us the right to marry and, for many, that “legitimized gay marriage.” But those marriages were always legitimate because human love isn’t defined by legality, but a bond of empathy unmatched.
Since that monumental moment – again, with a bittersweet edge – we’ve seen LGBTQ+ catapulted into the “norm.” The sad truth: The norm sometimes overexposes, commoditizes, creates a monster out of the well-intentioned.
Movies, television and celebrities alike adopted gay acceptance propaganda to show their progressive natures, prove a political point and self-advance. But, as with most marginalized populations, well-intentioned (but unaffected) individuals too often represented the affected – painting an unfair, inaccurate portrait of our gayness.
So, here’s where we’re at: Gay men viewed as shop-crazed “straight man stealers” and gay women viewed as being stuck somewhere between the unbreakable grips of sexism and a “almost male” identity.
The common person perpetrates these stereotypes, too, and usually unknowingly. Our fellow liberal friends show their love through the lens of stereotyping. In fact: I couldn’t even tell you the number of times well-intentioned loved ones having used terminology, adopted vocal inflections or asked invasive questions, almost directly mirroring the seemingly progressive demeanors of popular culture icons.
And, for that exact reason, conservatives still assert “there’s no ‘gay issue’ anymore,” because we can marry and everyone seems to love us. But love through the lens of post “coming out” stereotypes is faulty at best; it’s twisted, confused and authentic representation is the only way to push these stereotypes to the waste side.
Instead of hiring the gay male actor and having them “play straight” for a season, let’s let them keep their tone of voice and mannerisms. And, for the love of all things good in this world, let’s not only feature them as their female friend’s accessory for void compliments and selfie-taking.
And, if I’m being blunt, let’s get some gay ladies on the screen in general; it’s rare at best. Oh, and when they do land a part, let’s not dress them up to still appeal to the straight man – not just because it’s sexist, but because gay and straight women alike are allowed to break those molds and ditch softening looks.
See, this “Coming Out Day,” I decided to think about how damn proud of the LGBTQ+ pals I have who weren’t afraid to confess their truths to themselves and their loved ones. And more so, for then choosing to show 2017 that they’re not their post-“coming out” stereotypes.
Gayness is fluid, indescribable and beautiful – just like straightness. Let’s not make the first step out of the closet a direct segway into a padlocked box. And, as I see it, that starts with letting queer persons represent themselves, rather than being given void, padded comfort for the means of looking “liberal,” and seeming “with the times.”
If a pinch more of those in power pulled a touch more community members into the spotlight, we’d see no reason for our gay friends and family to “come out,” because being ourselves would begin and end with our mere authentic and well-understood existence – one seen in all facets of society from the screen to the boardroom.
