By Luke Nolan
Like countless others, I often find myself arguing with other people. This is nothing new. It is as old as humanity itself. Disagreement sparks debate which, if done honestly, can bring out the truth.
However, it is documented quite frequently that our society has, regrettably, come to a point in which disagreeing with somebody is tantamount to hating that person. It is a somewhat recent phenomenon.
Previously, most people were relatively “live and let live,” understanding that disagreements with someone’s opinion were not an assault on their identity.
The omnipresent identity-politics that now dominates the culture are certainly no help. Beyond pessimism, identity politics is the driving force behind much of the division seen today, whether intended or not. The binding of opinion and one’s identity or character has proven to be the heart of the issue. Someone whose identity is so attached to their opinions would only naturally feel personally attacked.
However, this is an unhealthy habit. It does not allow for friendships with people outside one’s own bubble out of fear of disagreement or perceived “hatred.” This not only narrows your range of friends, but also one’s capability to interact with others throughout their lives. This horrible trend of ascribing hatred to disagreement is also not productive whatsoever when it comes to dialogue between people who disagree.
Disagreements about policy, morality or economics are important, but what is often forgotten is the character of the person with whom you disagree. It is dehumanizing to divorce one’s character completely from social interactions, leaving only opinions. Basing one’s friendship on whether or not you disagree on economic policy is not conducive to a lasting or healthy friendship. When it comes down to the two of you, economic policy does not really matter. What matters is character.
It is a person’s character which determines the value of a friendship, not how much one disagrees with the other. Basing a friendship completely on constant mutual affirmation is doomed to failure.
If your friend can’t tell you you’re making a mistake, than the friendship is flat and bland, with no depth or real meaning. It becomes a relishing in each other’s praises, filled with meaningless small talk and an absence of any form of criticism, no matter how beneficial and constructive it may be.
The point of a friendship, like any relationship, is to build up the other person, the foundation of which is love. While it may be hard for all of us to see this, criticism can be (and often is) out of love, for the purpose of love isn’t merely emotion or affirmation of the other, but the well-being of the other for their sake, even if that requires sacrifice.
nolanl17@bonaventure.edu
