Apologies jerk the suppression of guilt and resentment off our crumbling backs. As humans, we need that sort of liberation; it gives us the freedom to start from square one, to either have a second chance, or potentially take ownership of something or someone we broke.
But apologies can fall short; sometimes, they can worsen what they intended to fix.
That’s precisely what actor Kevin Spacey did this past week in a Twitter statement, one in which he danced around accusations of sexual assault by Rent actor Anthony Rapp.
In a typed note posted to the House of Cards star’s public account, 58-year-old Spacey asserted, “I honestly do not remember the encounter… but if I did behave then as he describes I owe him the sincerest apology.”
First off, “not remembering” sexual assault doesn’t excuse partaking in it. And, considering Rapp alleged the offense took place when Spacey was 26, I’d say more than alcohol can explain his lack of memory. After all, Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, RAINN, states that most perpetrators are “serial criminals,” often carrying out these acts time and time again.
But that’s something most can agree on.
Here, I think there’s a severely overlooked offense – aside from Spacey’s cavalier attiude towards these major claims – and that offense lives far after Spacey’s comments regarding Rapp’s allegations.
In the latter part of his letter, Spacey states, “I have loved and had romantic encounters with men throughout my life, and I choose now to live as a gay man.”
Of course, my intent is never to tell others how they “should” or “shouldn’t” come out. It’s a personal moment, one any individual on the spectrum ought not be robbed of.
But, here, Spacey robbed himself of that life altering experience and, indirectly, stole a bit of progress from all others apprehensive to live their authentic truths.
See, there’s always been this horrid tie society makes between gay men and pedophilia. We often hear pedophiles, or male perpetrators of sexual assault on young men, called “gay.” But, in fact, pedophilia has nothing to do with sexuality – it’s not a sexual orientation; it’s a twisted perversion, one the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines as “[a] sexual perversion in which children are the preferred sexual object.”
Psychology Today goes on to describe this preference as “sexual behavior that is atypical and extreme.” The same resource describes sexual orientation as “[a] term used to describe our patterns of emotional, romantic and sexual attraction…sexual orientation exists along a continuum, with exclusive attraction to the opposite sex on one end of the continuum and exclusive attraction to the same sex on the other.”
Still, though, Spacey followed a passive “I’m sorry for the assault” statement with “I’ve always loved and had romantic encounters with men,” but assault is neither a display of love or romance. It’s an unwanted, self-serving advancement on an innocent soul – and, for Rapp, diversion tactics don’t change a false reality Spacey asserts (one easily disproven by a simple definition search on Google).
Whether intended or not, Spacey’s obvious PR spin – utilizing the shock value of a public “coming out” to distract from allegations – tied gayness to pedophilia for some, further strengthening this hurtful correlation those opposed to LGBTQ+ advancement often spew.
Further, he stole a personal moment from himself. Why would he ever want to remember the moment he first lived his truth in the wake of allegations he faced? Because he was in a place of desperation, one that led him to a poorly timed confession.
mcgurllt14@bonaventure.edu
