I have MAJOR imposter syndrome. People older than me always praise me for doing well and people younger than me are constantly seeking my advice, but I hate it because I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. How do I overcome self doubt and become more comfortable with the way other people regard me?
Dear Imposter Syndrome,
You are not alone! Your experience is common. Many feel like they’re flying blind through life and can nearly scoff when others praise them. It’s easy to start to question the decisions you’ve made and will make in the future. Sometimes we let the opinions of those around us influence our decisions or crowd our brainspace with judgments about where we should be going and what we should be doing with our lives. But here’s the reality: nobody knows how to do life. Have you ever heard the phrase fake it ‘til you make it? That’s what we’re all out here doing. Even the people we consider to have it all figured out.
So when your elders praise you, take it as a sign that you’re doing something right! Be proud of yourself for your accomplishments. Allow them to humble you and guide you as you face new challenges in life. When you fail, because we all do, remember life isn’t about how many times we get knocked down, but how many times we get back up. It’s our reaction to problems that defines maturity.
If others see this in you, take it as a compliment! It seems that this is why your younger friends look to you for advice because you display this maturity and grace. Don’t hold back your the wisdom you have. Everyone has experiences; and everyone is valid in what they learned from them. So don’t feel like you have nothing to contribute when it comes to advice. Maybe your encounter wasn’t the same as theirs, but you can still sympathize with them and help them through it.
Sometimes it’s less about what you’ve done and more what they can learn from your experience. Overall, don’t feel bad for not knowing what your doing because no one actually does. You’ve lived life and learned from it and that gives you maturity, as well as grounds for helping others with their own problems when they ask. Your friends likely appreciate you listening to their troubles and offering your own perspective to the situation. Sometimes all someone needs is for a friend to listen to them vent, whether or not you provide any advice, so don’t feel pressured to completely solve any situation either.
Overcoming self doubt is never easy. It comes to a point where you have to make a decision – to live boldly and unapologetically or to allow the thoughts and opinions of others to consume you and your actions.
It’s not something that will change overnight, but gradually you can learn to hear and listen to the voices of others and then reflect on them, decide whether you agree or not or how much value you find in it and then make your own decisions. Ultimately, you are who you are and how someone thinks of you won’t change that. Be confident in yourself!
By A Bonnie, Advice Columnist
bonavent@sbu.edu
