By Matthew Villanueva, Features Assignment Editor
This past week, conservatives in rural counties in Oregon have begun to campaign to reconstruct the geography of the United States. Despite being geographically a right-leaning state, Portland takes up a majority of the state’s population and is one of the most liberal cities in America.
The group is titled, “Move Oregon’s Border for a Greater Idaho.” Unironically, they plan to name the new state, “Greater Idaho.” Geographically, Greater Idaho would absorb a majority of Oregon’s land that would include Winema and Umpqua National Forests, Coos Bay and Medford. Greater Idaho would also consume the northern counties in California that would include Red Bluff and Redding.
Oregon would only be left with a measly trail. They would still retain their major cities— Portland, Eugene, Salem and Beaverton— along with retaining the major national forests, Mt. Hood and Willamette.
But why do these 12 angry conservatives want to make a Greater Idaho? Isn’t Idaho already great? They have Shoshone Falls and Coeur d’Alene!
Here’s why.
In the 2016 election, Idaho was distinctly painted red for Trump with 2.2 votes for every vote for Clinton. In the misappropriated Oregon land, there was a two-to-one ratio of votes from Trump to Clinton. And in the purloined California land, the vote was again 2.2 to Trump for every Clinton bubble filled in. But for the remaining Oregon land, it was precisely blue with a similar two-to-one ratio for Clinton.
With the new augmented state line, Greater Idaho would receive 31 new counties, all dark red in the midterm electoral map. California would likely lose a vote in the flawed electoral college along with Oregon losing about half of their seven delegates. The only winner to Greater Idaho would be GOP. Unless…
If conservatives can make Greater Idaho out of rural Oregon, why can’t we liberals create a Newer Mexico? With New Mexico swallowing the eastern half of Arizona, the already left-leaning state would be painted with another layer of blue. But Arizona would still be able to have the Grand Canyon, so they should be okay.
Arizona will be left with three electoral votes with Newer Mexico being able to send 13 delegates to the capitol to vote with the other irrelevant voters.
Or what about East Virginia? The newly minted state would be composed of the eastern coastlines of both Carolinas. East Virginia would include about 20 more counties and their 13 electoral votes would double to 23.
North Carolina and South Carolina would be left with 11 electoral votes combined, so why not just combine them to make one sweet “Carolina.”
But this leaves us with only 49 states now! How will we ever recover?
We grant statehood and citizenship to the 3.1 million Puerto Ricans who are still struggling to recover from Hurricane Maria! Because Trump tossing them paper towels like a t-shirt at a basketball game was obviously not enough. If the patrons of Puerto Rico are able to vote for the president of the United States, why don’t we invite them to the table?
People of Oregon were just given permission to pump their own gas, how can we trust them to draw our nation’s borders?
villanjv18@bonaventure.edu
